I Am in My 40s, Successful Yet Alone, and It Hurts So Much

                                   

My dear sister, first let me say this from the bottom of my heart: you are not a failure. You are not cursed. And you are not incomplete. Society has lied to women for too long, making it seem like your value begins and ends with marriage. But let me remind you — your worth is not tied to a man’s surname or a wedding ring.

I hear your pain, and I know how heavy it must feel. To work hard, to build yourself, and yet to be treated as if you are lacking something. It is unfair and deeply hurtful. But please remember this: people often mock what they do not understand. Many of those who gossip about you are secretly envious of your independence, your financial stability, and your courage to keep standing strong despite the pressure. They may smile in their marriages, but behind closed doors, some of them are enduring pain they can never voice.

You said you sometimes feel like settling just to carry the title “Mrs.” My dear, don’t. Marriage is not a trophy; it is a lifetime commitment. Many women rushed into marriage because of pressure, only to live in regret, pain, and abuse. Being single and at peace is far better than being married and in chains. Do not trade your freedom and dignity for society’s approval.

But I will also tell you this: it is okay to desire marriage. It is not weakness to want companionship, children, and love. God himself placed that desire in you, so don’t let anyone make you feel ashamed of it. Keep praying, but while you pray, also live. Do not put your life on hold waiting for marriage. Travel. Start projects. Mentor young women. Join communities where you are valued. Let your life shine so brightly that whether or not a man comes, you are fulfilled.

And when love does come, because it can come even in your 40s, 50s, or beyond, be open to it. Do not allow bitterness to close your heart. But be wise. You have learned enough to know the difference between love and manipulation. Choose peace, choose kindness, choose someone who sees your worth.

Finally, I want you to stop asking “What is wrong with me?” Nothing is wrong with you. You are beautiful, strong, and precious. You are not behind in life; you are on a different path. Life is not a competition, and timing is different for everyone. A woman who marries at 25 and suffers for 20 years is not better than you. A woman who marries at 45 and enjoys peace is not less than anyone.

Lift your head high, my sister. Live your life fully, joyfully, unapologetically. And always remember: being unmarried does not make you less of a woman. You are complete as you are.

Below 👇is the inbox message I got

So many women write to me about the hidden battles they face behind their smiles. Society often measures a woman’s worth by her marital status, forgetting that each person’s journey is unique. This inbox really touched me, because it is the cry of a woman who has everything people think should make her happy — except marriage, which has become her deepest pain.

Please hide my identity. I am a woman in my early 40s. I have a good job, my own house, and I am financially stable. If you look at my life on paper, people will say I have “made it.” But in reality, I feel incomplete and very lonely.

Marriage has always been a dream for me. I wanted to have a husband, children, and a family of my own. I prayed, I fasted, I believed God would make it happen. Yet, here I am, in my 40s, unmarried and childless. I watch my mates, my classmates, my friends, and even those younger than me walk down the aisle, post pictures of their husbands and children, and I smile on the outside but cry on the inside.

The worst part is not even my own longing, but the way society treats me. My colleagues whisper behind my back, saying things like “with all her money, she cannot keep a man.” Neighbors gossip and mock me, some even say it to my face: “You better hurry up before menopause.” My relatives avoid introducing me at family gatherings because they see me as an embarrassment. Even my friends who are married sometimes talk to me in a pitying way, as if I am cursed.

I have tried to give love a chance, but it has always ended in pain. Any man that comes either has bad intentions, is only after my money, or sees me as someone to pass time with. Some of them are already married but hide it. Others pretend to love me but disappear once they realize I won’t tolerate disrespect. I have prayed, I have cried, I have begged God, but nothing seems to work.

Sometimes I lie on my bed at night and stare at the ceiling, asking myself, “What is wrong with me? Am I not beautiful enough? Did I offend God? Why does love avoid me?” I see people who are not even half as good-hearted as I am getting married, yet here I am, mocked and lonely. I am human, and the truth is, it hurts deeply.

There are days I put on a strong face, smiling, dressing well, encouraging others, but when I return home, depression knocks on my door. I ask myself if this is how my life will be forever, if I will never know what it means to be called “wife” or “mother.”

I am not writing this to seek pity, but because my heart is heavy. I feel like I am drowning in loneliness. I wish people understood that single women in their 40s are not less of a woman. But society makes me feel like I am incomplete.

Sometimes I even think of settling for less, just to carry the title “Mrs.” But I know that deep down, I deserve better. Yet, waiting and waiting has become painful. I don’t even know what to do anymore.

Please, what should I do? How can I cope with this loneliness and the constant humiliation?

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